


If I Told You

by sockslost



Category: Rizzoli & Isles
Genre: F/F, Friendship/Love, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-19
Updated: 2017-11-18
Packaged: 2019-02-04 04:18:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12762987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sockslost/pseuds/sockslost
Summary: Maura and Jane confess their feelings for each other and go on a date. Complete. Three-shot.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: First off, I want to give a humongous shout out to jdstrivesformaybe for being my beta! I'm a neurotic mess of a writer and made her read several versions and she did so without complaint! She's awesome and made my writing so so much better (and she's a really great friend!), I really can't thank her enough. (All final mistakes are mine however because I'm always editing something.)
> 
> This story started out as a different story, but after the first few chapters I realized it wasn't going to work for that story, at all. And I didn't want to just leave it in my files either, so I did some editing and this was born. The title is a song from Darius Rucker, it's a favorite of mine.
> 
> Also I refuse to acknowledge some bits of cannon, particularly in the later seasons, so in a way it's a little non-canonical.
> 
> All chapters are posted.
> 
> Happy reading!
> 
> Disclaimer: Don't own the characters. No money involved. ETC. ETC.

**Chapter One**

The gym door echoes loudly as it slams shut behind Jane. The room is completely empty – unsurprising, given that it is after hours on a Friday night. It gives her a moment of peace, a moment to breathe. She throws her small bag inside one of the cubbies near the water fountains, and walks towards the treadmills. She exhales slowly, forcing the tension from her shoulders. The machine comes to life with a press of a button and she starts walking.

Her pace is slow at first, working out the stiffness in her muscles and bones. Her body gradually adjusting to the change from sitting in her desk chair all day. Soon, she works her way to a faster tempo until she's beating a steady rhythm against the runway.

Running is not her favorite exercise. It's something she's always had to force herself to do. Her mind is too chaotic, too wayward to stand an activity that requires minimal thinking.

Even now, her mind is being pulled into several different directions at once and she finds herself increasing the pace. If she can just go harder, faster, longer then maybe she can find that happy place where nothing matters except putting one foot in front of the other.

It doesn't work.

She's always thought that things were supposed to come together as she grew older, that things were supposed to start making sense. In her world, the opposite seems to keep happening. Every year feels like a milestone year, but backwards. In place of celebrations, she's constantly mourning. There are so many chapters in her life that she's seen end too quickly, so many moments that were supposed to be big and full and bright and happy...but end up being nothing but the opposite.

And the more and more it happens the less she wants to keep starting over.

Some nights, that thought alone is enough to make her wonder where a different path would have lead her. What would it be like to come home to something other than stale air and darkness? Would she even like it? That question gives her pause.

After the experience with Casey she isn't so sure. Sharing her space with another person, even if only temporarily, requires a certain level of intimacy she's not sure she can ever achieve.

Droplets of sweat roll down Jane's neck and through the V of her shirt. She wipes a hand across her forehead with a huff.

It's not that she's  _unhappy_  with her life. Her job and her family have always – and will always – come first. She can't imagine living away from them, away from Boston. But she can't deny that sometimes the existence she leads is an incredibly lonely one. That loneliness clings to her like a second skin. It makes her ache for something. For someone...

And every time she goes there, every time her mind and body  _want_  for someone, an image appears in her mind: honey colored hair, soft hazel-green eyes, dimples and a kind smile.

Love is a strange thing. The lines that divide between friendship and romance are even stranger. Falling for Maura wasn't something Jane had intended to happen. It was slow, effortless in the way it got under her skin, and curled around her heart. It never made its presence known - and it was so easy to misconstrue the signs, to miss them completely.

And on nights like these, Maura is the person she wants to curl up next to, the person she wants to lay down with breast to breast, heartbeat to heartbeat. She can imagine nothing more than burying her nose in the crook of Maura's neck and staying there, breathing her in, all night long.

A pang having nothing to do with her brutal pace travels up her spine. The feeling catches her off guard. She stumbles over her feet, falling into the bar in front of her before righting herself. She takes a deep breath, shaking her head and wiping the sweat from her eyes before smashing the up arrow a few more times.

She wishes she were different, that falling in love with people were as easy for her as it seems to be for everyone else. She wants to forget about thinking about her best friend  _that_ way. And to hammer home the thought that she can never have Maura the way she truly wants - Maura is on a date.

That fact sits low in her chest bothering her in a way that she's grown accustomed to.

Logically, Jane knows that there's no point in doing the kind of work they do if they can't live normal, fun lives in their off hours. Maura is allowed to date, allowed to have other friends, other obligations. It's not Maura's fault that Jane doesn't know what to do with herself when Maura ventures away from her. Jane  _knows_  it's stupid and unfair to be upset – jealous – at Maura for living her life and enjoying her time off. It's wrong, but the slight agitation still creeps up her neck and sits, simmering.

It's getting worse.

That feeling in her chest, in her bones, in her head - it's getting worse.

That's the only way she knows how to describe it. She doesn't know how to explain - much less deal with - the tumultuous feelings swirling inside her.

She never has.

She normally stomps and grunts her feelings into submission. But when the person causing them is not a fellow cop, an estranged boyfriend, her mother, or one of her brothers – when it's the one person who can find her when all she wants to do is get lost – she doesn't know how to proceed.

She slams the stop button on the treadmill and nearly falls over. She bends at the waist, chest heaving, forehead resting against the bar in front of her. Sweat drips off her nose and lands on the tarmac under her feet.

Her chest hurts, as the realization that she can no longer ignore her feelings, hits her - dead on.

…

Maura sits in her office, pencil idly tapping against the notepad in front of her. In her bedroom there's a dress hanging from the hook of her closet door, matching heels are set aside, and her favorite perfume is sitting on her vanity waiting to be used. She should be at home, getting ready for a date. She glances at her watch. Had she not called him earlier in the day to cancel, she would be walking into the restaurant within the hour. There would be small talk and hesitant smiles. It's not an appealing image or thought.

Agreeing to go on the date in the first place had been a moment of weakness. Their meeting was a chance happening during a coffee run in the middle of a busy week. He had a nice smile, kind eyes, and she thought the way he fumbled over his words so nervously was adorable. The week hadn't been going well. The call for a new case woke her in the wee hours of the morning and a second came only three days later. Juggling two new cases along with the handful of older cases was a tall order. Jane and Frankie were running into one cold lead after another. Jane's presence in the morgue or her office was constant – demanding evidence, lab tests, results, bouncing ideas and theories off her – anything and everything that could help solve the cases. And more than once Jane had stormed off in a huff when Maura gave her the same answers she'd been giving her because there was simply nothing new.

So, when this stranger in line turned toward her and started up a conversation it was so easy to be swept away, to get lost in his dark eyes and lopsided smile. It was nice to feel appreciated, listened to. When he asked her out for dinner the  _yes_ fell out of her mouth before her brain could catch up. But even as they exchanged phone numbers she had felt something akin to dread begin to settle low in her belly. That feeling only intensified when she arrived back at her desk to find a short apology note, a flower, and a small bag of chocolates.

An involuntary smile curls her lips as she looks at the flower still standing in a graduated cylinder on her desk. It's such a  _Jane_ thing to do.

Maura leans back into her chair and eyes the ceiling. Everything seems to always revert back to Jane in some way or another. It's both a blessing and a curse.

They are so opposite it's amazing that they've made it this far as friends. Best friends. And Maura feels something, as she always does, pull at her heart because there's something else. It's the reason she didn't go on her date tonight, not because of an extensive workload as she claimed. Though, her workload  _is_ extensive, so it wasn't a lie, just a little bend. The truth is, she doesn't want to sit in front of a stranger at a restaurant and play the  _get to know each other_ game ending with a slightly awkward first kiss. Instead, she wants to sit in her living room in comfy pajamas laughing with her best friend, and when the mood calls for it, leaning across the cushions for a soft kiss. She wants to wake up surrounded by lavender and coffee and Jane.

She has no idea when the thought of  _her_ and  _Jane_ cemented itself in her brain. She doesn't even know for sure when she started to view Jane as something other than  _friend_. She has spent countless nights in bed staring at her ceiling analyzing her feelings to no avail. The scientist in her is bothered by this, the lovesick woman - not so much. Because why does the  _how_ matter when the  _is_ feels so much more important? She doesn't like how reckless that makes her feel.

She thought she could trick her brain into wanting someone else, that eventually the faking wouldn't be necessary and her feelings for Jane would all but fade into the background as a non-event. Clearly, that isn't the case. What this means for their future she has no idea, only that she's grown past wanting to try with other people.

There are moments where she thinks Jane feels the same way. Moments when she catches Jane looking at her in such a way it makes butterflies explode inside her. The things Jane says and the things she does – the small touches and soft voice only reserved for her, the gentle teasing and corny jokes – these signs point to a mutual pining, Maura knows. But, Jane is nothing short of contradictions. Open and honest with her one moment - cold and distant in the next.

For every step forward, they end up two steps back the next day. She doesn't know how to play this role anymore. She's tired of constantly feeling out of place, of wanting to reach out and soothe when Jane is nothing but caution tape braided with barbed wire, and not knowing if doing so would be welcomed or thought of as overreaching.

The simplest solution is to speak, something that has never been a problem before, so it's a wonder why it's causing her so much grief now. It's not for lack of knowing what she wants to say - those words often stay buried until a crisis happens. But lately, the words themselves have become the crisis. It's what she thinks about before her eyes drift shut to sleep, it's what she thinks about when there's a lull in her work day. Those feelings – her love – is no longer relegated to dark and lonely nights, or the aftermath of adrenaline fueled moments.

There are a mountain of words that come to mind when she thinks of the speech she's too afraid to say. They mostly start with  _I love you_ and end with  _please don't go_ because no matter what version of the story she crafts in her mind, Jane is forever destined to leave her at the end.

She knows she's being overly dramatic. But their relationship is one built in dramatics, in haste moments, in jokes to cover the trauma. There is no rule book here. No code. Just feelings. And Maura has never been good with feelings.

With a resigned sigh, Maura pushes her chair back away from her desk. There is no reason to stay in her office for any longer. At least at home, she can wallow in her thoughts in comfortable clothes with a glass of wine. She gathers her bag together, and heads for the elevator.

The lobby is quiet, the lights to The Division One Café are off, and the only other person around is the night shift desk officer. He gives her a nod and a smile over his paper coffee cup. "Have a good night, Dr. Isles."

"Thank you, and yourself as well, Terrance." Maura replies with a smile of her own. As she walks to her car, she notices Jane's still parked next to hers. She furrows her eyebrows, before turning back towards the building.

Terrance looks up, surprise on his face. "You forget something, Doc?"

"Have you seen Detective Rizzoli? Her car is still outside, I was wondering if she's still here."

"Haven't seen her leave. Have you checked the gym?"

…

Jane is in her own world. She throws punch after punch against the swinging heavy bag in front of her. This – pounding her frustrations against the leather – is her favorite gym activity. Her ponytail swings in all directions as she grits her teeth and shuffles her feet. She's so focused on the task at hand, she doesn't hear the door open and close, doesn't notice anyone else in the room until –

"Jane…?"

Jane looks up and she is suddenly caught in Maura's gaze – all hazel-green and warm. She has to remind herself to breathe.

"What are you doing here?" The words are laced with an aggression she can't tame. She instantly flinches upon hearing her own voice. No matter how many times she tells herself it's not okay for her to act this way towards Maura, she still manages to do so.

Maura arches an eyebrow. Reflexively, she takes a step backwards. Waves of tension radiate from Jane's sweat covered body. It's not the first time she's seen that hard look in Jane's eyes. Only this time, she doesn't know why. And Maura has that notion again – the wanting to reach out, the wanting to wrap this woman up in her arms and make the hurt disappear. It's maddening. She doesn't know how to answer Jane's question. How was she to explain that she saw Jane's car, and felt a pull to find her?

"I wanted to see you."

"Why?" Jane snorts, turning back to the heavy bag, "need help picking out an outfit for your _date_?" Her next punch rattles the chains holding the bag in place.

Maura takes a step forward. "There is no date," she hisses. Jane, on her part, looks at least a little chagrined. Her hands fall limply to her sides, her expression falls. Jane looks so tired all of a sudden, it takes a fraction of the wind from Maura's sails. "I'm so sick of this." Maura sighs.

"What are you talking about?"

" _This._ All of this." Maura gestures at the space between them. "How long are we going to keep pretending that nothing is happening here?"

"Nothing  _is_ happening here."

Anger races up Maura's spine so suddenly it takes her a moment to place what it is. And despite that this conversation was the last thing she thought would be happening when she opened the door, she wants nothing more than to take this as far as she can. Consequences be damned.

"Maybe that lie works for you, Jane, but it doesn't work for me. Not anymore." Maura watches unfamiliar fear race across dark brown eyes, she softens her voice. "It always comes back to this – to us. And I'm tired, Jane, I'm tired of not accepting what that means."

Jane stands frozen. Maura is staring at her – eyes big and wide and honest. It messes with her insides. And she can't breathe, can't think.

"If you're not there yet, I understand." It's the second lie Maura has told tonight and she tries to ignore the way her chest feels tight and uncomfortable.

As Maura turns away from her, eyes steely and hard, something catches in Jane's chest and doesn't let go.

Suddenly, holding back, holding in, holding off is no longer an option.

"Wait." Jane's voice cracks on the single syllable. "There is… Something  _has_ happened between us."

Maura turns back to face her. "Don't just say that because –"

"It's the truth!" Jane interrupts, her eyes searching Maura's earnestly. "I just,  _God,_ I thought this was one-sided, that I was alone in this."

"You're not, Jane,  _you're not_."

It's silent for a moment.

"So you…?" The question fades with uncertainty.

Maura smiles softly. She fingers the strap of her bag. "Yes."

Jane breathes heavily, shoulders relaxing. "So, what happens now?"

Maura laughs. The sound shatters the tension that has built up in the room. There are so many things she wants to do in this moment. She doesn't know where to start. "Your guess is as good as mine."

Jane finds herself smiling at Maura's laugh. The air feels different all of a sudden, or maybe that's just her. Everything that has been holding her back is now broken and she doesn't know what to do with this newfound freedom. She can't help but fall back on what she knows – teasing, only this time with a face splitting grin. "Oh, you mean you've never done this before?"

Maura quirks an eyebrow. The warm coffee colored eyes staring back at her are clear and adoring. This isn't at all how she thought her night would end, but she is so unbelievably happy that it has. "Falling in love with my best friend? No, I've never had a best friend before, remember?" The confession causes a small tremor in her fingertips but her heart settles as Jane's grin grows impossibly wider.

"You'd tell me if you were a cyborg, right?"

"No, I don't think I would."

Their shared laughter reaches the light fixtures. Jane is sure that Terrance and the other night shift personnel can hear them all the way out to the front desk and beyond the halls, and she doesn't care. Suddenly, a sense of wonder and awe rushes through her. So much so, that she's afraid her knees might give way.

_Maura loves her._ Never in her wildest dreams did she think they would ever be here, and certainly not tonight.

"Jane?"

Jane looks up into concerned hazel eyes – and she knows right then that she will never get tired of the swirl of dark browns and deep greens with flecks of gold. She has a sudden urge to grab this woman in a bear hug and spin around in circles because  _finally_ and  _yes_ and  _thank God._ Instead, she just smiles – wild and hopeful.

"Come on." Jane says as she tugs at the strap of Maura's bag, dragging her with her. She picks up her own gym bag as Maura steadies herself. "You know, this isn't going to be easy. I can be a handful."

"You don't say."

Jane's jaw drops dramatically, she bumps Maura's shoulder. "I don't think  _I like_  your sarcasm, Doctor."

"You _love_  it."

"I love  _you_."

Jane feels warm all over. They haven't had this easy camaraderie in so long, she'd forgotten what it felt like.

Maura looks at the ground suddenly bashful, but the small smile is there.

They walk out of the precinct, after saying their goodbye's to Terrence. Once they arrive at their cars, Jane faces Maura. "So…"

"So…" Maura repeats.

"So does this," Jane clears her throat, "I guess this means that we're…dating?" She hesitates before the last word. It feels strange, rolling off her tongue, like even her mouth can't believe it.

"Yes."

"Girlfriends?"

Maura smiles shakily, "mmhmm."

"I-I don't want our friendship to change. Is that," Jane glances shyly at Maura, she kicks a loose rock with her foot, "is that bad?"

Maura puts a soothing hand on Jane's bicep. "It's not bad at all. I don't want that either." Her thumb strokes softly side to side against Jane's warm skin. "This does mean we'll have to start talking to each other, you know? Really talking. Otherwise, we may as well quit while we're ahead."

Jane meets her gaze head on. "I'm not the only one who's bad at that."

"I know," Maura drops her hand back to her side, "I'll make more of a concentrated effort to be a better communicator."

Jane nods, swallowing hard. "Me too."

Maura smiles, "good." They stand there for a few more minutes, neither knowing how to say goodbye, until a big yawn gets the better of Jane and leaves her blinking rapidly. Maura reaches across the space between them again and squeezes Jane's arm. "Go home, Jane. Get some rest. It's been a long week - for both of us."

"But – "

"This will all be here tomorrow."

"Promise?"

The vulnerability interwoven into that one word makes Maura's breath catch momentarily in her throat. She steps forward, closing the small distance between them. She wraps her arms around Jane in a tight hug and is relieved when Jane's arms move around her own body holding her just as tightly.

"I promise."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

Jane closes the door to her apartment and leans back against it with a sigh. There's a tightness in her chest – like her heart is all tied up and knotted underneath her skin. She knows she should be happy, ecstatic even – and she is – but now, it's real. All of those feelings that she has spent years burying and denying are suddenly tangible things. They are within her grasp, and, more importantly, hers to lose.

When she tries to focus on what that means her brain sends her image after image of moments that have only ever occurred in her daydreams

Like falling asleep next to Maura – wrapped up in blankets and each other. Of waking up to the smell of breakfast and coffee and Maura's perfume all around her. Of sitting opposite Maura on the couch reading a book while Maura reads a journal, her toes lightly touching Jane's thighs.

She trips for a moment over logistics. Over the idea of being a woman and loving a woman, over lines and labels and definitions and all of the complications that are sure to arise. But she finds her footing again over the image of her hand tucked safely into Maura's. She can imagine the softness of Maura's skin against hers, the way her fingers would feel intertwined with her own. Jane has never wanted to hold anyone's hand before, but now the need to do so is almost overwhelming.

In this moment, the  _how's_ and the  _what if's_ don't matter. She just wants to revel in the thought that these ideas are not just for her imagination anymore. They're going to happen.

It's mildly terrifying.

And exhilarating.

She flops down on her couch unceremoniously. She takes a deep breath.

_Maura is in love with her._

That fact feels more like fantasy than reality and she doesn't know what to do with herself. She knows it's not going to be easy. The years she has spent shoring up her defenses and denying her feelings aren't going to go away in one night with one confession. There are things they need to have serious discussions about – big, heavy things – and just the thought of that makes her hands shake. But – and here her heart flutters excitedly in her chest – she wants this. She wants this more than anything, in a way she didn't know was possible, and her heart is the happiest it's been in a long time. With that thought she makes her way to her bedroom and hopes morning comes quickly.

…

Early the next morning, the sun shines through the crack between the curtains in Maura's bedroom. She wakes up slowly, rising through the fog of sleep with slow blinks and a soft sigh. She rubs a hand over her face before letting it fall limply back onto the mattress. She had no idea when exactly, she fell asleep. Her mind had been racing with questions and ideas of her and Jane. And still, even in these early hours, a cocktail of conflicting emotions sits restlessly inside her chest.

She takes a deep breath before crawling from underneath her blankets and making her way to the bathroom to get ready for the day.

It's undeniable that a metaphorical weight has been lifted from her shoulders, but it also means that things are going to be different now. Between her and Jane. Between them as a unit and everyone else. This is one of those turning points in life. One of those moments where the things that are happening now have weight and will carry long into her future. And she doesn't know yet how to reconcile who she and Jane were and have always been, with who they would become together.

At this moment, alone in her house, that notion is entirely daunting.

A paralyzing fear grips her heart and refuses to let go. She's afraid that in the light of day Jane will change her mind. Every time she thought of this scenario Jane's rejection was the one constant. She never imagined that Jane would reciprocate her feelings, that she'd be open for a relationship. Except that's exactly what happened and it leaves Maura in uncharted territory. Floundering. Unsure. She doesn't like it.

She looks at herself through the mirror. Her cheeks are flushed, her eyes fearful. She looks just as shaken as she feels. She grips the edge of the sink until her knuckles turn white. As she turns to look down at the faucet her eyes land on her toothbrush holder.

She takes a deep breath. Jane's toothbrush sits next to her own, a green cap over the bristles. It's silly, but the evidence of Jane in her home, in her life, in her bathroom in this utterly domestic of ways eases her nerves and makes her smile.

She brushes a hand over the green plastic.  _We're doing this backwards_ , she thinks.

Jane already has a toothbrush and a drawer – practically a whole closet of clothes in her guest room. Instead of instilling fear, the thought is a comforting one. The knot in her stomach begins to disentangle itself.

They already know each other. Isn't that half the battle with dating? Opening up to them about vulnerabilities and the darker parts of one's personality? "We've already done that," she reminds herself. Jane knows all of her idiosyncrasies, knows about her job, her history, her family – and loves her.

_Jane loves her._

She finds herself grinning at the thought. She takes another steadying breath before continuing with her morning routine.

A few minutes later, Maura walks into her kitchen. Her hair is tied back into a bouncy pony-tail and she's wearing black and purple running tights and a long-sleeve top. Every Saturday morning she and Jane do their best to go for a run together. Sometimes all they have energy for is a short one, but other times they go for long periods. She's hoping today's run is a long one.

As the front door opens, Maura's heart leaps into her chest. She waits not-so patiently for Jane to find her sitting in the kitchen. Jane walks in wearing black running shorts and a deep blue long-sleeved top. Maura's body settles down at the sight of her. She had no idea how badly she needed to see this woman, how badly she needed the reassurance that the previous night wasn't a dream. And here Jane is with a nervous smile and eyes full of wonder.

For a moment, everything feels the same as it always has, but then Jane sees the shy tilt of Maura's head, the slight anxiety tinting her eyes, and her breath catches in her throat. "Hi."

"Hi."

They stare silently at each other, taking in the moment. "Why does this feel so weird?"

Maura laughs lightly, shaking her head. "I don't know, but you're right."

"I mean, it's not a bad weird." Jane slides onto the bar stool next to Maura's. Their knees touch and neither of them move away from the contact. "It's just…"

"Weird?"

Jane laughs. "Exactly." She looks up from the bar and into Maura's eyes. There's a crinkle between Maura's brows as she worries her bottom lip. She refuses to meet Jane's eyes, instead gazing steadily at the counter.

In this moment, Jane knows she's not the only one afraid of messing this up. She doesn't give herself time to second guess her actions. She reaches out, placing her hand on top of Maura's.

Maura's skin is cool to the touch, contrasting against her own heat. Almost reverently, Jane runs her fingertips over the ridges of bones, tendons, and veins on the top of Maura's hand. Jane forgets what she's doing there, lost in the touch. She doesn't know why, but this, this is so very different than it had ever been before. The freedom of not having to hold back, of not checking herself is incredible. Maura's knee presses harder into her own. Jane looks up again into those mesmerizing eyes, a half-grin on her face. "We'll figure it out, Maura."

Maura smiles at the reassurance, her fears dissipating even further. She places her other hand atop Jane's covering hers and squeezes. "I know we will."

The next few seconds pass without words. Maura's fingers ghost over the scar on the top of Jane's hand and Jane swallows hard. She clears her throat. "Let's go run!" Jane announces, giving Maura's hand one last squeeze before hopping off the barstool.

…

Later that evening Jane and Maura are sitting opposite each other on the couch in Maura's living room. Jane has a beer in her hand; Maura - a glass of merlot. After their run, their Saturday had been a lazy affair. It's not unusual for them to spend an entire weekend together, but now there's a current just underneath their interactions as they try to get used to the newness of their burgeoning romantic relationship.

Jane can't help her eyes as they travel back to Maura every so often. The two of them have sat on this couch through each other's highest highs and lowest lows. But now, sitting here with Maura, as  _girlfriends_  - is surreal. She's half-expecting to wake up from a dream and find that it's all been an elaborate figment of her imagination. But then her eyes travel up the length of Maura's body, sees the rise and fall of her chest, hears the ticking of the wall clock – and she knows. This is real. It's probably the realest thing she's ever experienced. It's just... So new, so strange and she just  _didn't think they'd ever be here._

Making sense of that is…mind blowing.

Jane looks down at Maura's sock-covered toes pressing lightly against her thighs. She grins as she thinks back to her daydream the night before. And she was right – this is everything. She places a tentative hand on the top of Maura's foot. Her eyes dart to Maura who appears to not have noticed her touch. Experimentally, Jane spreads her fingers across the soft fabric of the sock, wishing her hand could be on skin instead but reveling in the feeling anyway. It's so simple, yet it's everything she wants. Maura sighs. Jane's eyes dart back to Maura's face. A blush spreads across Jane's cheeks and makes her nose red. She stills her hand. "Is-is this okay?"

Maura smiles assuredly. "Of course. It feels nice."

"Ah, so that was a good sigh."

"Mmmm." Maura hums as she takes a sip of her wine.

Jane stares, mesmerized by the way Maura's fingers curl around the stem of the wine glass; by the way her tongue darts out to lick her lips afterwards. Her hair is still slightly damp from her shower earlier and it falls in golden waves across one shoulder. "I love you." Jane says suddenly. She smiles at the blush her words evoke, as her hand resumes its earlier movements.

"And I love you."

Jane expels a breath. She takes a long pull from her beer. "This is going to take some getting used to."

"As long as we keep talking we'll be fine."

"Are you sure?" Dark eyes meet hazel.

Maura doesn't waver. "Absolutely."

"So I guess we should…talk then."

"Probably."

"How long have you known?"

Maura doesn't know if it's the dim lighting or all of the moments leading up to this exact one but she knows there is no hiding here. Not even if she wanted to, and she's surprised to find that she doesn't. "A while." She spins the liquid in her glass as she thinks of her next words. "I thought if I ignored it, it would go away."

"Yeah, I know how that feels."

"I was only fooling myself, as you can see." She laughs softly. "I've tried to pinpoint a  _when_ but I've been unsuccessful at that. Maybe it's always been there. Maybe it hasn't."

"Why'd you agree to go on that date?"

Maura sighs. "I thought if there was someone else..." She shrugs, taking a sizable drink. " I was lonely... I couldn't have  _you…_  It's been a rough week...Take your pick."

"You can have me." Jane squeezes Maura's foot.

"I know." She pokes Jane with her foot, "and you?"

"Oh, boy." Jane takes a deep breath. Her fingers still, resting softly across the top of Maura's foot. She has no desire to hide her feelings anymore, she hopes she can find the right words. "Since Casey. I was trying so hard to make it work with him. I was – I could feel myself…I could feel things changing between you and I. When he was around it was easy to pretend that things weren't shifting inside me when I was with you. It scared me." She looks pointedly at Maura. "It still scares me. And, well, that didn't work out."

"Thank god."

"Yes," Jane laughs, "thank god. So I was just going to resign myself to not dating anymore. My career is really important to me and it – well it kind of scared me to see how close I came to throwing it away because of someone else."

"I won't ever ask you to choose between us or your career."

"I know. My job does offer some…unique challenges, though."

Maura nods. Jane's eyes fall downcast to the couch cushions. There's something so sad in her voice that causes a tug in Maura's heart.  _I date two kinds. The kind that hates that I'm a cop, and the kind that wants to use the handcuffs._ Jane had told her that what feels like a lifetime ago now, and she hates how this woman has been treated by the people she's tried to love. A sudden urge to show Jane that she can do better envelops her entire being. She changes position on the couch, settling on her knees so she's facing Jane. Her fingers slide gently along a strong jaw, her forefinger hooks underneath Jane's chin turning her head to face her. "You wouldn't be you without your job, just like I wouldn't be me without mine. And I love you for it. I love who you are – in and out of uniform, Jane."

The open honesty shining so plainly in Maura's eyes causes Jane's heart to beat wildly in her chest: all bass drum with no real rhythm or beat to cling to. Her eyes dart to Maura's red lips before coming back to hazel. A need so strong it's almost overwhelming sweeps through her.

"I want to kiss you." Jane suddenly whispers.

Maura swallows hard. Her finger tilts Jane's chin up a fraction more as she leans down closing the small distance between them. They both sigh when their lips meet, sinking into the kiss. It's soft and sweet, and when they pull away, they're both blushing and smiling bashfully. Maura adjusts her position, dropping so she's sitting next to Jane on the couch, their thighs touching.

Jane can't keep the grin from her face. Her lips are still tingling from the chaste kiss and it short-circuits something in her brain. Everything between her ears is a pleasant static, as she puts her arm across the back of the couch and onto Maura's shoulders.

…

Jane cracks an eye open at the light shining brightly against her face. Jane slowly becomes alert to a warm sensation coming from her side. It takes her a moment, but the sudden realization of  _who_ is pressed against her side only makes her grin grow wider.

Maura is laying half on top of Jane and half on the couch, her face is buried adorably between Jane's shoulder and the side of a cushion. Jane's left arm is wedged between the crevices of the cushions and Maura's chest. She's lost all feeling in that arm and she aches to move it. To move the rest of her body too. She's wearing too many clothes and the couch is too suffocating – she can feel sweat along her lower back. She has to pee. But, the image next to her is too much.

Her face feels warm, and her heart - rather than pounding uncontrollably - begins to settle into a deep, steady rhythm. She takes a long, slow breath and just looks. This moment here; now she can feel things begin to shift inside her. Just like that moment when she knew she started to fall for this woman. Only this time, freedom has replaced fear.

Gently – tentatively – she traces a long line from Maura's shoulder to her hip. Her fingertips trail over a rumpled shirt before stopping for a moment against the small strip of bare skin between the jersey tee and yoga pants. She traces random patterns against the smooth skin. Maura lets out a sleepy sound; somewhere between a grunt and a sigh. Jane smiles. This moment is so peaceful and serene. Jane can imagine waking up to this, like this, every day for the rest of her life. Right now, that thought is not so terrifying. She sighs, burying her nose in Maura's hair.

Maura reaches a sleepy hand behind her and grabs Jane's hand. "Tickles."

Jane laughs softly in Maura's ear. "Sorry."

"We fell asleep."

Jane nods into Maura's hair. "Mmmhmm."

"This isn't exactly entirely comfortable."

Jane laughs, "yeah, I think we're a little too old to be sleeping on the couch."

"Not to mention your knee in my spine."

"Or you having my arm hostage. I think it's asleep, I can't feel it."

"Do you want it back?"

They both burst into laughter. "I do actually, I have to pee. I'm going to get up first that way you don't squish my organs." Maura playfully slaps behind her - her hand hitting Jane's thigh. Jane laughs as she begins the delicate process of extracting herself from the couch. Once on her feet, she stretches her hands to the ceiling, grimacing at the various cracking noises that come from her body. "Next time," she looks down at Maura, "we should do that on a bed."

"Agreed," she raises a hand toward Jane, "help me up."


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

The following Monday morning Jane walks into the precinct holding two cups of coffee and a small bag filled with pastries stuffed under her arm. She smiles widely when she notices Maura standing in front of the elevator digging for something in her bag as she waits. "Hey, Maura."

The woman jumps slightly, but her eyes light up when they meet Jane's. "Hi." She smiles widely.

For a moment, Jane forgets all of the people around them. Her sole focus is Maura. She's wearing tailored black slacks, a white oxford and a blazer. She's breathtaking. And thought taking. And hers. The last thought makes her feel warm all over.  _Hers. Hers. Hers._

"Jane?"

Jane blinks, "sorry?"

"It looks like you could use a hand."

"Oh!" Jane jumps, looking down at her full hands as if just realizing. "I was actually on my way to see you. This," she hands one of the coffee's over, "is yours."

"Thank you! What's in the bag?"

Jane dodges Maura's grab. "Terrible chocolatey things."

Maura pokes her in the ribs. "Do you plan on sharing?"

Jane laughs as they step into the elevator. "Of course."

…

Jane stares at the blinking cursor on the screen of her desktop. She's supposed to be filling out reports, but she can't get her mind to focus on the task. The weekend she spent with Maura is all she wants to think about. She'd been afraid that things would feel different once they were back to work and outside of the bubble that was Maura's house. But after seeing Maura this morning those fears had been unfounded.

She swallows hard, eyes darting around the room.

She's half-worried that everyone around her suddenly knows. That there's a giant neon sign above her head announcing to the world that she's dating a woman. And it's not that she's  _afraid_ of the reaction. She's just…she wants to keep this to herself for a little while longer. At least long enough to find her footing. Because she felt more in those small moments with Maura than she ever had in her life.

In these uncharted waters, she has no concept of  _fast_ or  _slow._ No idea if they are moving one way or another. She only knows that laying awkwardly on the couch, Maura fit her perfectly. She's never had something like that, never had someone just…fit. Without adjustment.

Jane hits the save button on her report with a sigh and closes out her computer. "I'm going to the morgue." She announces as she stands.

Korsak grunts a non-committal response but Frankie half-rises from his chair. "Do we have a body?" He looks at his phone to make sure he hasn't missed a call.

"No. I'm going to see, Maura."

"Oh." He flops back down. Korsak tries to cover his laugh with a cough.

Jane shakes her head as she walks towards the elevators. Once inside she forces herself to take a deep breath. When the doors open and she steps out into the morgue she can't help but smile.

Maura is standing at the center of a small group of people all dressed in white lab coats and safety goggles. She looks up at the sound of the door and gives Jane a slight nod of acknowledgement without missing a beat in her speech.

Jane leans against the backwall, trying to be as unobtrusive as possible. Jane is riveted. She gets lost in the way six-syllable words roll off of Maura's tongue so easily. In the way hazel eyes light up when an intern asks a smart question.

Jane stays for the duration of the lesson, and when it ends she takes a step forward. Several interns scurry to get out of her way.

Maura laughs quietly, while Jane gives her a narrowed eyed look.

"I'm not that scary."

Maura looks up, still smiling, "hmmm, I don't know."

"Well," Jane shrugs feeling a little silly all of a sudden, "as long as one particular science dork isn't afraid of me."

Maura shakes her head, bumping Jane with her hip as she puts her tray of instruments away. "What can I do for you, Jane?" She takes off her surgical gown and goggles, and puts on her white lab coat.

Sudden and unexpected uncertainty slams into Jane. She plays with her fingers, eyes downcast.

"Jane?" Maura lightly touches Jane's arm.

Jane looks up and sees affection and love shining in Maura's eyes. She wonders if it's always going to feel like this. Like relief, like finally, like home.

"Are you," Maura starts again, "are you having second thoughts about –"

"No!" The word flies out of Jane's mouth much too quickly, "No. I – That's not – I'm trying to – Argh."

Maura raises an amused eyebrow. "Use your words."

"Why can't you make this easy on me?"

"I would if I knew what you were trying to ask."

"I wanted to know if you wanted to go to the movies with me." Jane asks quietly. She presses her fingers against the scars at the center of her palms. "There's a special showing for the French movie you were talking about the other week downtown. Do you want to go with me?"

"Like a date?"

"Yes." The smile Maura gives her – all wide and beaming – is worth the price of admission.

"Then, yes. I'd love to go with you."

"Cool." Jane gives an answering grin. "Is Friday okay, say six? We can go to dinner afterwards."

"That sounds great."

"I have to go back upstairs," she hooks her thumb over her shoulder towards the door and starts walking backwards and bumps into a rolling chair, "but I'll see you later."

Once the door closes, Maura is left alone in the morgue. She walks back to her office intent on changing out of her scrubs. She closes her office door with a sigh. "No," she says to herself smiling, "you're not so scary, Jane."

…

The workweek began to pick up shortly thereafter. New witnesses coming forward caused new leads to arise in their ongoing cases. By Friday the homicide detectives managed to close a handful of their ongoing investigations.

All of the work proved to be a helpful distraction for Jane. She was too focused on work to think about much else. On top of that, she and Maura also hadn't been able to see each other outside of work throughout the week as they usually did. The unintentional separation created an increased anticipation for their date – their  _first_ date – on Friday.

…

Jane looks at the passenger seat. A small bouquet of flowers she had picked up after work sits on the seat next to a small bag of chocolates. Her eyes snap back to the road when the light turns green. She doesn't know why she's so nervous.

She had spent an obscenely long time standing in her underwear having a stare down with her closet before finally deciding on dark jeans and a soft button up top. And now, now she is one turn away from Maura's driveway.

…

Inside, Maura tries to calm her racing heart with a deep breath as headlights pull into her driveway and the sound of a car engine idles before going silent. She stares at the door while spinning the ring around her finger repeatedly. She swallows hard as a shadowy figure walks to the front of her door and pauses. Maura smiles at that. Then there's a knock on her door.

Maura steps forward.

Jane is wearing dark blue jeans that hug her long legs, and a baby blue button up top. Her hair falls in slight unruly curls down her shoulders. Jane clears her throat. "Hi," She says shyly, "these are for you."

Maura looks down at the flowers and chocolate. Her grin spreads across her face, as her nerves begin to settle. Jane looks so hopeful, and so nervous in this moment Maura can feel her admiration for this woman grow and grow. "They're beautiful, Jane."

Jane watches as Maura brings the flowers up to her nose to sniff, watches as her eyes close and she sighs with delight. She takes the moment to look at Maura. She's wearing charcoal slacks, heels, and a flowery silk top. Everything about her is impeccable – as Jane knew she would be.

"Let me put these in water and then we can go."

…

The movie theater, Jane notices, has gone through some upgrades since the last time she took TJ to see some animated movie about planes or cars. They walk up to the counter to purchase their tickets.

"Are you paying with cash or card?" The young person behind the counter asks with a smile on their face.

"Card."

"Alright, you can go ahead and use the touch screen here."

Jane stares at the screen in question. There are few moments where she feels every one of her years. It's usually after a tough arrest, or when she's talking to teenagers, but the contraption in front of them has a lot of buttons and she's afraid of touching the wrong one. Maura hovers just to her right, her breath hot and sweet against her neck. She forgets about what she's supposed to be doing.

"It's this one." Maura reaches past her and presses a button.

Finally, their tickets print and they move on to the concessions.

"Everything is so fancy now." Jane mumbles through the side of her mouth and Maura laughs.

Once they have their popcorn and drinks they make their way into the actual theater. Maura's excitement is palpable. More than once Jane catches herself just staring, her own smile slowly blooming across her face.

They settle in seats near the top as the lights dim.

Jane tries to pay attention to the movie, she really does. She'd like to have something to say about it when Maura turns to her at the end and asks what she thought, but she's tired. The last few weeks have been an emotional whirlwind and work had been seemingly non-stop. On top of that, the film has far too many captions to read and her head is buzzing just trying to keep up. But another part, a bigger part, of her distractedness lands on Maura.

Hazel eyes stay riveted to the big screen before them. Even though Maura knows French her eyes still race across the screen reading the script in between watching the actors play out their roles.

Their forearms are pressed against each other on the armrest, Jane can feel the heat of Maura's skin through the thin fabric of her shirt. It's calming. Everything about this night feels like a warm blanket on a cold evening.

The thought that Jane is allowed to have thoughts about romance, about a different kind of love, about going on dates and sitting in dark movie theaters next to the woman she loves, next to her best friend – it feels like a strange combination of relief and hope and happiness. There's fear there, still, but it's quiet and ever-so-steadily dissipating but those other feelings – they are growing, changing, expanding.

It feels  _good._

Dark eyes watch the people on screen for a moment before they bounce back to Maura.

Meticulously, Maura pops one piece of popcorn in her mouth at a time as her eyes dart around the screen. Shadows dance across her face and her lips curl into a small smile when two of the characters kiss.

Jane feels warm all over. It's not something she's accustomed to, but it's not unwelcome.

Maura looks at her with a raised eyebrow, a slight knowing look – her eyes darting from Jane to the screen in question. Jane flushes slightly at being caught. She shrugs half-heartedly before grabbing a fistful of popcorn and turning back to the film.

A few minutes later the popcorn bag is empty and Jane sets it on the floor. When she does she feels Maura's shoulder lean into hers just that much more as she shifts in her seat. She looks down at their arms pressed together along the armrest. Maura in her floral print, silky shirt, Jane in a button down made casual by her dark jeans – they shouldn't work. Not as friends. Not as…whatever this is.

But, they do.

Jane bites her bottom lip. She feels like a teenager – fumbling, unsure. Eyes fall to their arms again. She takes a deep breath, reaches out with her pinky.

Maura's skin is cool against her own heat. She feels more than hears the sigh that Maura gives her as first their pinkies intertwine and then the rest of their fingers. There's a gentle squeeze, a soft glance, a small smile and then Maura's gaze settles back on the big screen. The smile – Jane notices with satisfaction – stays put for the remainder of the film.

…

Maura sighs happily as she stands. The movie was good, but the company even better. The weight of Jane's hand resting in hers is new and exciting. She rubs her thumb over Jane's knuckles and smiles at the squeeze she gets in response. Part of her is anxious – there's a fear that this small, fragile thing between them could shatter into a million pieces hurting them both in equal measure.

Her gaze trails back to Jane who is gathering their trash with her free hand, not even attempting to pull away.

Jane's cheeks are a pleasant rosy color, the same smile that she was wearing when she showed up at her door with flowers and chocolate – bashful, a little unsure, but lovely – plays across her lips.

They walk out of the theater hand in hand. The moonlight throws shadows across the parking lot. They don't speak as they move slowly toward Jane's car. The warm hand in hers leaves as Jane opens the passenger side door for her. Maura hesitates before climbing in. The scent of lavender fills the air, her hand still feels warm from Jane, their eyes connect.

She could make a home here, Maura thinks, right there in the warmth of an embrace, in coffee colored eyes, and familiar perfume. She gives Jane another smile, feeling her own anxieties and worries lessen as she climbs in.

Maura isn't one to listen to her instincts. She doesn't have the sixth sense that Jane and the other detectives seem to have, but here, now, there is something in her bones that speaks to her, something in the very essence of her being that tells her not to worry. That this time it's going to be something different, something lifelong and great.

Later that evening when Maura gently pulls Jane along with her into the house, and Jane knows – as she did the first time she crossed the threshold into Maura's home – that this was just the start.

The next morning pieces of sunlight filter through Maura's bedroom. Jane blinks slowly as the birds chirp outside the window. Still half-asleep, she can't help but grin.

Waking up next to Maura is something she's done probably a million different times throughout their friendship. There have even been times where they've woken up cuddled beside each other, but  _this_ is so wholly different, she knows now that her imagination could never come close to the reality.

Maura's head in the curve of Jane's neck and Jane gently pushes a strand of deep blond hair away from Maura's face. Her finger strays gently down the slope of Maura's warm cheek. Up this close she can see the fluttering of Maura's eyelashes and the smattering of freckles usually hidden underneath makeup across her cheeks and nose. Jane has an urge to count them. One of Maura's hands has sole possession of Jane's right arm, cradling it to her chest, and the other is twisted inside Jane's tank allowing the cool knuckles to rest against her heated skin. Their legs are tangled together underneath the blankets. She feels every steady breath Maura takes and can't help her own sigh of contentment.

It's perfect.

She can't ever remembering feeling this way – this content, this open, this vulnerable, this  _happy_  – in any of her previous relationships. For the first time she's not afraid of the future. She's not afraid of a time when Maura brings a date to a family dinner. She's not afraid of watching the woman she loves, fall in love with someone else, have a life with someone else. Because Maura loves  _her._

As that last thought crosses her mind the woman on top of her shifts.

Maura rolls onto her back, stretching her arms and legs away from her body as a big yawn stretches her mouth. She blinks slowly and looks at Jane. "Hi."

Jane grins wide, "hey, yourself." She reaches a hand out and brushes away an errant strip of hair that had fallen back into Maura's face during her stretch.

"Did you sleep okay?"

"Like a rock. You?"

"I'm glad, me too."

They lay silently for a few more minutes before Jane speaks. "We're going to be okay."

Maura grins wide at the self-assured statement. "We're going to be great."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was one of those where I felt like I needed more (probably because it started as a story that was meant to be a lot longer) but I couldn't seem to make it work. I'm open to adding or even making a sequel for it though, if I get a good idea or a better way to move forward. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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